Urban Expat

Advent Time Again

nobody@vox.com(leslie) — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 01:43:54 -0500

And so it begins. To those of you who posted my plea for stories I thank you - and to those of you who still may (hint hint - I could use a few more memories!) thank you as well. Or send in your own! Most of you I know in person, and you have regaled me with numerous amusing holiday anecdotes - why not share with a larger even more appreciative audience? (Although not as good looking or sweet-smelling as I.)

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Help! Advent is coming

nobody@vox.com(leslie) — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 04:25:20 -0500

I need your help!

Please consider submitting a story and/or posting the link to my plea wherever you blog or post things of this nature.

I'd like to get enough stories I can make the main focus the memories with illustrations etc. and make the other content the supporting material - because I think it would be more compelling that way, but I'll need a fully loaded calendar to make that work, so the more eyeballs I can get my request in front of the better. Thanks so much to those of you who see fit to blog my appeal.

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Tis Almost the Season

nobody@vox.com(leslie) — Sat, 18 Nov 2006 02:25:32 -0500

It occured to me as I was driving past the garden center today that I have a house perfect for putting outdoor lights on. As someone who has been an apartment dweller through my entire adulthood, the prospect was both scary and exciting. So I ordered a ton of pine rope, some bigass red ribbon and grabeed a few strands of all white non blinking outdoor lights. My lawn dudes, for a surprisingly modest fee ($25/hour for two guys, their estimate was one hour), put up and take down decorations it turns out, and so I will engage them, photos to come. I made a fire tonight after dinner and it started to sink in that this lifestyle is more of a change than I bargained for. Not better or worse, but different for sure.

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My next book

nobody@vox.com(leslie) — Tue, 07 Nov 2006 04:12:42 -0500

Will be a list of 1237 reasons why this woman makes my head want to explode. Every comment she posts takes me to a new level of incredulity. First it's because 68 cents isn't a big deal to a big store like Walmart. Then they're against families because her son was arrested previously by Walmart for stealing Pokemon cards so to prove Walmart hates famllies she stole a candybar so Walmart would arrest her, proving how evil they are because "she's not to steal, generally." If this is a troll - best troll ever. I can barely pick a favorite comment from her:

My son is only nine years old, while I admit stealing is wrong, I also think they were to harsh on him. He was up in his room crying for almost an hour because the big men scared him. The other boy with him was not arrested even though it was his idea, I took the chocolate bar to prove a point. I finally gave my son a popsicle to calm him down and help him feel better because a big company is bullying him.

...it was a matter over 68 cents and i have a criminal record over 68 cents because they don't care about the customer.

I don't even need to state the obvious here. She does it better than I ever could.

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Autobiography Titles

nobody@vox.com(leslie) — Mon, 06 Nov 2006 03:36:22 -0500

I have considered this numberous times, in fact made a game of it at some point, A co-worker at Topps many moons ago named Mark got my best effort - I thought his auto bio should be called "Mark, My words."

Mine however would more closely reflect the spirit rather than the content of my life. Some samples:

Autiobiography of Well Meaning Autodidact.
Autodidactics, Automobiles, Autonomy and Personal Autarky: An Autobio
Table for two, Kingdom of one: My Life as an Autocrat.
Autonym: They named me Leslie, but you may call me Peaches.
The Little Engine that Could, but Just Didn't Feel Like It: Confessions of an Underachiever.
Am I Still Smiling? My Life as a hard working Optimist.
I Lied, It Sucked, (the truth about Leslie)
29 Great Years and Then Some other Stuff.
Peaked in High School: A memoir
Most Hated: A failed attempt at becoming notorious.
Don't Stop Loving Me!
Moisturizer, Music and Medication: Unnatural Living with Leslie
My Autobiography: The Great American Pamphlet

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Success!

nobody@vox.com(leslie) — Sat, 04 Nov 2006 05:46:12 -0500

Tonight, I was supposed to be dedicating myself fully to a client project that asks full time and weekends in order to meet a preposterous deadline, and yet I was spotted at the Beacon East Movie Theater, a scant 10 blocks from my home purchasing popcorn and a ticket for the Borat movie. Devious, yes, but worth every second of guilt I almost felt.

In the complaints department, I have a heel spur, which means it hurts to both stand and walk on it, AND when it's just sitting on the floor not bothing anyeone. No llike!

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Dream Address?

nobody@vox.com(leslie) — Sat, 04 Nov 2006 04:35:39 -0500

An apartment in Paris and a loft in NYC would be ideal, and if picking just one I'd choose NYC, even more specifically, the top floor of the Piano building, on W. 46th St. -- once a piano factory, now lovely lofts. I like Chelsea and all, but Hell's Kitchen is still my favorite neighborhood. I'm pretty confident I'll move back to NYC in the next few years, although suburban life has its charms, I suspect there will come a point I feel m work here is done.

One of the big upsides of the burbs is trick or treaters. I had 187 kids and would have had more but just before 8:30, I ran out of candy. Twelve huge Costco break room sized bags! I heard turnout around here was good, so I thought a dozen bags was more than enough, but no, it seems I under prepared. Probably because the neighborhood is notoriously safe, and the first town heading north from Detroit parents bring their kids from the city by the van load. I forgot how excited kids could look at the prospect of free candy. They were exuberent in wishing me a Happy Halloween and shouting "Thank you!" as they'd race down my porch steps and toward the next house. You don't see that in the city so much, as parents keep shorter leashes on their kids and opt for parties in lieu of door to door solicitations for sugary snacks. I was relieved there was no candy left for me, although in retrospect, I was secretly hoping a few Tootside Rolls and Reese's cups would be left over. I was more than happy to part with the more traditional candy bars - Pixie Stix, Milky Ways, Snickers and a variety of Nestle's crunch. Yeah, I gave out the good candy. And not those teeny Halloween 1" cubes either, but the almost but not quite full sized kind. I'm not going to lie, I wanted to be one of the "good" houses.

Next year I'm taking my candy vig off the top.

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The Post In Which I Get Served

nobody@vox.com(leslie) — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 09:44:30 -0400

I fear becoming that person who starts too many sentences with the phrase "Well, when I lived In New York..." as it throws off this air of both accompishment and failure. No matter how earnest whatever comes after, the antecedent sets up the premise the speaker assumes some sort of earned worldliness based on having lived in Manhattan, as I did for 14 years. However, we're talking restaurants here, and since I've lived in two of the best cities for dining out, I have to go there. I don't have a single favorite locale for dining.

For VIP treatment and feeling slightly chic, I love Pastis. They treat me like a princess, the food is stellar and this is an odd favorite dish to have at any eatery, but their green beans are what I want to eat when I'm in heaven, if it exists. I have also had the good fortune of dining at what is arguably the USA's finest restaurant, the French Laundry in Napa and the hype is well deserved. Best Crab and abilty to blur space and time while dining goes to Crustacean, (SF) and the best old school carnivore delight is easily House of Prime Rib (SF). It doesn't hurt HoPR they have a superfoxy bartender who mixes a kickass Manahttan, either.

But my life is not one of chic boites and evening gowns, so I would be remiss if I neglected to mention the sheer joy that is West Side Sushi (9th Ave at 49th St, NYC), The Olive Tree on MacDougal (NYC) which makes the best hummus in the world, and back to the west coast for El Farolito on 24th and Alabama in San Francisco, which has the ambiance of a Tiajuana truckstop and for 5 bucks makes a burrito the size of a baby's arm that is positively unparalleled for freshness and yum factor. I also find myself missing Cho Dan Gol, which makes their own Muk Gul Li and Kimchee and takes Korean food to a whole new level. (NYC, 36th between 5th and 6th).

Detroit is the land of the Coney, and while there are several beautiful places to eat here, I have only found two that really grabbed my attention, in dowtown Royal Oak. A Belgian place, and it may say something about either them or me I can not remember the name. The second is a vegetarian place that is so well thought out and inventively menued you don't even notice it's half veg half vegan and that's Inn Season, a long time local legend.

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Name That Horse + Swearing at Radio Shack

nobody@vox.com(leslie) — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 03:50:38 -0400

You've been through the desert on a horse with no name. Except your horse does have a name. What is it?

Thirsty. Because the desert is dry, get it? Oh my cleverness always ceases to amaze me.

In other news, today I learned that if you swear at all in Radio Shack, you are immediately attended to by a manager. The employee calls the manager over and repeats what you said to the manager but where you swore they say "Swear word" instead. For example, if you were to say "I would not be fucking exchanging it if it worked," they say to the manager "This customer said she "would not be swear word exchanging it if it worked." Then the manager will ask you, even if you look sleepy and are standing very still and leaning in a non threatening way on the counter:"M'am, is this a stuation that may escalate?" At that point, you might want to say "No, but I applaud your careful following of the training video," because that will leave them both completely flummoxed and frightened you are a mystery shopper or someone from corporate and then the staffers will quickly do anything you ask, including square dance with you in the iPod accessories aisle.

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More than one, actually.

nobody@vox.com(leslie) — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 22:17:02 -0400

QotD: Reach Out
Is there a friend who you owe a phone call or email? What's stopping you?

We were supposed to go to the movies about a year and a half ago. She emailed me early that morning saying she didn't feel well, sorry. It was our third reschedule, and unsure if I was being blown off or if she was ill, I wrote back "Just let me know when you want to reschedule."

That was the last of our communication. You know how some of your friends are tied through other friends? Well, I had just made friends with another woman through her, and since I never heard back, I started to assume that I had been excised from the friend pool. Ordinarily, I'm not afraid of confrontation, but this person is, so I waited, and waited then waited some more. Nothing had happened to change the long standing friendship, I just figured she needed - whatever. Anyway, fast forward to too much time passing to get back in touch with either, me feeling like I should have done more because I knew she never would, even if she wanted to (we take our friends with and in spite of their faults and I have been forgiven for many). To this day, I wonder. And it makes me really sad, because the last time I actually spoke to the person? It was at their wedding, and I felt really close to them that day, and within three months o that day, I was out a close friend and will likely forever live wondering what I did wrong or if I should have just tried harder. I also regret hanging the other friendship off the first one, because it cost me two cool friends, a currency I don't think anyone should squander as I did.

Thanks, vox for drawing out my proudest moments!

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